Love Confession: Justin

It was just one of those boring nights when I was glued to the computer browsing the net, killing time. I wasn’t aware that such night would start a story of friendship and of love that was never meant to be. It started in March 2006 and during that time, Facebook doesn’t exist yet and Friendster is the king of social network. So while randomly browsing profile pages of various people, by chance, I came upon his profile page. I froze and was blown away. I’m not sure if it’s possible but it seemed like it was love at first sight, if you can call it that. Everything about him was so beautiful; his face, eyes, lips, built, just everything. I know it’s crazy to feel that much intensity to someone you have never even met. Even, I couldn’t believe it myself. It took me two weeks of daily checking his profile before I was finally able to muster enough courage to send him a message. The funny thing is, I can’t even tell if he’s gay or not. His profile page doesn’t say or imply so. But what the heck! Even with so much hesitation, I did it.

April 8, 2006
Me:
such beautiful eyes....

nice and interesting profile. i love to travel
alot myself. anyway, just dropping you a note to say
hi..well,.. HI. there I’ve said it. =). keep it cool. just give
me a buzz if ur not busy or anything. =)

April 9, 2006
Justin:
ey thanks. actually i havent updated anything on
my profile yet. there are so many things to write about
but i guess im too lazy and not really in the
mood for it.. hehehe

I was hoping but not expecting a reply from him. I was ecstatic. Even if it was just one simple note, it made me smile from ear to ear. After that, we exchanged few more casual messages; nothing special really. But those casual messages have more meaning to me than it should. Every word written for me was special to the point I can memorize every lines in his note. I tried as much as I can to be discreet about how much I like him, scared I might scare him away. Yet still, one day, he just stopped replying to my messages. After two unanswered messages, I gave up. Maybe he’s just wasn’t interested.

After months have passed; I read his post on his profile about losing his mobile phone. Out of sheer curiosity I sent him a message testing whether he would still recognize me and reply back.

August 8, 2006
Me:
too bad you lost your phone. tsk tsk tsk.
anyway, just dropping by to say hi! take care bro.
keep it cool!

Justin:
ey, nice to hear from you again. hows it going? yeah, ur
right, rub it in... =) just kidding. hehehe actually,
kinda difficult since i didn't backup my contacts.
haaay. ey, thanks for keeping in touch.

what's keeping you busy?

August 11, 2006
Me:
everything is kinda crazy for me right now. we'll be having
our certification audit next week and i'm the lead person of
our company. its gonna be a make or break for me. hehehe.

well, i lost my phone before. and it sucks. specially
the contact information of people you know that goes with it.
so i've learned my lesson. from then on i started backing
up everything in my organizer.

hey, its been a while since the last time we've
written to each other. how are things doing in your end?
how's work? well, i hope everything's fine. =)

Justin:
I kinda understand what you're going through.
I used to do be the lead for the IT department
in my previous work. And when the company
went for ISO certification, my work doubled and
most of it involved documenting everything.
haay. Buti nalang gang dun lang ang part ko. hehehe.
I know kaya mo yan, kaw pa. Naks!

well, you're right about the contacts. What really
sucks is when people text you and you ask them
who they are(in a nice of course). Naku may
nagtatampo pa, tapos I ended up telling the same
story over and over and over and over ... =)

it's been a while since our last message. Busy eh. =)
I went to Malaysia last weekend to climb Mt. Kinabalu.
A tough climb but it was all worth it. I'll upload my pics as soon as I can.
lets have coffee sometime. Maybe after your iso certification.

Good luck and take care.

August 15, 2006
Justin:
Justin wants to brighten your day with a smile. Check out Justin’s profile and send a reply.

A message from Justin:

Ey, is it your birthday? I was thinking of sending you a flower.. hehehehe. But I guess a smiley is enough. Happy Birthday.

August 16, 2006
Me:
the flower is not a bad idea actually, much better if its from mt kinabalu.. but, yeah, i think smiley would do. thanks. ehehehe. ang kulit noh? hehehe. anyway, my bday was last aug. 5. but, thanks for the greetings. as they say, better late than never. =).

its almost 1 am and i'm still here at work. as a matter of fact, i'm the only person left here at the plant. i'm freaking out. few hours from now is the start of the 3 stressful days of audit certification. argh!!! it makes me feel like i'm taking the board exam again. anyway, finishing touches na lang naman ginagawa ko. i just want to make sure things will run smoothly later.

anyway, need to get back to work. hopefully makauwi na ako in an hour. hehehehe. wish me luck bro!!

ingat!

August 16, 2006
Justin:
whoa!

still working? rest for a while buddy. Remember the saying, "All work and no play, makes Jack a psychotic serial killer." buti nilang di jack pangalan mo. hehehe (corny alam ko.) anyway, I know you can pull it off with flying colors.

anyway, pardon my late greetings. Ala ako ng mga araw na nag birthday ka. nasa Kota kinabalu ako eh. =) anyway, I wish i can bring some of the fauna I saw in Mt. Kinabalu. But I can't. Protective area kasi yun, being a World Heritage site. Hayaan mo next akyat ko hanap ako ng bulaklak para sayo. LOL!

August 18, 2006
Me:
I passed the certification!!! Hahaha! its gonna be a long weekend celebration for me. pero ngayon ko pa lang nararamdaman pagod ko. Hehehe. can't wait to go home and rest. magkulong sa room at matulog maghapon. hahahaha. o ayan tapos na certification ko, prolly we can have coffee na. ;P. anyway, Justin, thanks for the encouragement. i really appreciate it. have a great weekend and hope to hear from u soon! take care!

Justin:
Naks! Sabi ko na nga ba eh, mapapasa mo yan eh. Anyway, it is time to rest your body and soul. =) Pahinga kanaman, I know you've been working for sooo many hours these past few days. Nararapat na ipahinga mo ang pagal mo nang katawan. hehehe

Yes, as I promised we'll meet for coffee. or better yet over a cold beer? Let's celebrate! Teka do you drink? if beer doesn't catch your fancy, we can have a nice cold iced tea. =) anyway, just tell me if you gotten enough rest already. Lets just plan it sometime. okay. Just holler back.

Better get going, have to go the gym.

Take care

August 22, 2006
Me:
times like this, beer is definitely better than coffee! we both have reasons to celebrate. mine is my certification, yours, is your mt kinabalu climb. i wanna hear your stories din about your climb. let me know if you're free this weekend or kung kelan ka free. sang area ka ba malapit? lets meet somewhere convenient for both of us.

anyway, i was able to go out last saturday night. 10am na ako nakauwi the following day. hehehehe. the rest of the weekend, well, i stayed home and rest. hahahaha. i plan to take a long vacation in october. prolly go to bohol or camiguin. i deserve something like that. anyway, need to get back to work. take care Justin!

Justin:
I'll drink to that. There are so many reasons to celebrate. Basta't may malamig na San Miguel Beer, kahit ordinaryong nagiging engrandeng okasyon. hehehe. Mahahabang inuman ito.!!!! hehehe Anyway, I'm from mandaluyong, I work in Manila so between that area I'm good. Okay din ang San Juan, Pasig, QC or Makati. so saan ang midway natin? I'll be in bohol this weekend, so can we have it next weekend? I'm usually free friday night and saturday night. Either day is okay with me. watcha think?

August 28, 2006
Me:
sorry for the late reply. i was out of the office the past 2 days auditing one of our suppliers in quezon. bohol ka naman pala this weekend. naiinggit naman ako. anyway, lets set our drinking session saturday next week (if ok with you). half way natin is QC but i wouldnt mind trying out san juan or pasig. di rin naman kasi ako masyado nakakagimik sa area na yon so that would be a change. san ba ok don? basta sa akin, may beer at masarap na pulutan at kwentuhan ayos na! tulad nga ng sabi mo, mahabahabang inuman ito! hehehehe. kaya magbala ka na nga mga kwento mo. hahaha. anyway, dinner na muna ako. mahabahabang kainan to. gutom na gutom na ako eh. hehehe. take care Justin!!

Justin:
i just came back from bohol. Ang ganda. I really enjoyed bohol, the beach, the food, the snorkelling site. If you're into diving, bohol is the place to be. I bet you'll enjoy it. As for me, i love to come back to bohol. and I make it sure that I'm into diving already. I love to tell you more but i need some rest din. Anyway, I can tell you more next saturday in our inuman session. hahaha. Speaking of which, sa QC na lang. para di naman malayo sayo. Though ala akong alam masyadong inuman sa qc, except sa pier one. anyway, I guess mas gala ka sa akin. So you choose. So see you next saturday. take care buddy.

September 1, 2006
Justin:
Justin wants to brighten your day with a smile. Check out Justin's profile and send a reply.

A message from Justin:
ey see you tomorrow buddy!

I arrived early in our meeting place. I was really nervous. I’m not an insecure person, but love often makes me feel that way. “Am I good enough for him? Will he like me? Do I look good? Why don’t you shut the fuck up and stop pestering yourself and just enjoy this moment!” A few minutes later, he was there, standing in front of me, flashing his beautiful smile, green shirt hugging his lean muscular body. I swear I’ve never seen anyone so beautiful. My confidence went from eight to zero. “Hi, I’m Justin” he said. We shook hand and I felt a tinge of electricity flowed in my body. Once seated, we ordered our drinks and started our conversation. We talked about a lot of things. His recent mountain climbing adventure in Kota Kinabalu, books, my passion for diving, our families, cooking, we talked almost about everything. And all that time, I couldn’t help but stare at him. He’s just damn too good looking for me. Confidence level went further down zero to negative. We stayed till 4 am drinking till we decided to part ways. It was wonderful a night. I think I handled myself pretty well. When I got home, I received a text message from him telling me how much he enjoyed the night and that he’s looking forward seeing me again. I almost fainted. I don’t know if it’s because of alcohol or because of what he said. I was in heaven.

After that night, we became more comfortable with each other. From then on, we would regularly text each other. Everything started to happen and feel so natural. But even with all these things happening, I never assumed anything about how he feels for me. I kept telling myself, He’s just being nice. Maybe he really just wants you to be his FRIEND. Yes, I was crazy in love but I tried to keep in touch with reality. Reality somehow held my sanity. We regularly met after our first meet-up. Usually, every two to three weeks. And then after 3 months of regularly going out, one night, we decided to drive to Tagaytay. With bottles of beer loaded in my car, we parked somewhere along the road beside a cliff overlooking Taal Volcano. We stayed in the car just talking and listening to our favorite music, until he took my hand and held it. It caught me by surprise but he continued talking as if nothing happened. I too never bothered to ask why. I realized there are things better left unspoken and just let things happen and enjoy as they happen. Maybe I was scared too not to get the answer I’d want to hear. So we were just there, talking while holding each other’s hand. I wanted so much to kiss him. I badly wanted to. But I held back for I was never really sure of how he feels for me. That night left me so confused.

The following meet-up, he asked me to sleep over at this place. I said yes. When we got to his place, he immediately headed to shower. Afterwhich, he lent me a boxer short and shirt so I could change as well. When I walked out of the bathroom, he was already lying on his bed and asked me to lie down beside him. Then the lights went off. While lying on my back, he suddenly embraced me while murmuring the words, “I feel cold”. Few seconds later his lips were locked against mine. One by one, our clothes started to drop on the floor till we were both naked. It was I who went down first, thinking, if it was just a dream, then I want get on to that part where I can feel I finally own him before I awake and realize none of it was true. I couldn’t believe what was happening. As I feel the warmth of his fullness as it touches my lips and slide down my throat the more I realized how crazy I am of him. I wanted him. I wanted all of him. And as he fills my mouth, moving in and out, I couldn’t help but stare at his face with his eyes half open, staring back at me. Those eyes, those haunting beautiful eyes. After a few minutes of savoring the warmth his manhood, he guided me to slide towards his face till mine is directly in front of him. I was there, on top of him, looking down as he lays on his back and hungrily sucking my soul. I was going mad. Just looking at his beautiful face as his lips play with my fullness is driving me insane. It was such a beautiful sight. Suddenly, I felt the urge to kiss those lips again. We kissed till we can’t control the intensity no more. He searched for my hardness again and I searched for his till we were both in a position giving and accepting pleasure at the same time. It was precious. It went on till we both exploded in each others mouth; sucking each others sweetness down to the very last drop. He held me after that and kissed me. I wanted to say I love you yet again, I held back. But, I was happy. I couldn’t ask for more. Who would have thought I would end up where I was with a man who months ago, was just someone I thought I could have only in my dreams? I slept under the warmth of his embrace. We woke up the following morning, making love all over again.

There have been few changes in the months that followed after that night we made love. We continued to see each other regularly, except this time, making love has become part of our routine. Also, from then one, every morning, without fail, the first text message I would receive is from him. We even started calling each other baby. Yet, again, we never really talked about our situation, much more, our feelings for each other. It bothered me. We were acting like lovers yet I know I have no hold over him. I was really in love with him and I wanted to have that sense of ownership over him. But I was scared to spoil whatever we have at that time. That is why I never had the courage to ask him. I was contented yet I wanted more. Our relationship went on like that. And then I met Alvin.


To be continued.