Hanging On

We all have to experience the highs and lows of life. It’s a cycle which we all have to experience. It builds our character. It’s what shapes us. It’s what defines us. And at this moment, gravity has unleashed it full effect on me. I am hitting rock bottom.

I don’t even know how to start this. I don’t usually complain. Most of the time, I keep quite. People who know me give me credit for the kind of patience that I have. Yes, I am a patient man; to people, to situations, to everything. But a man can only take so much. There are times you just can’t contain all your frustrations as such I am here taking refuge in this blog. What I can’t speak, I hope I can write here, without inhibitions and without being cautious of how people around me would feel.

My dad left for New York just a few weeks ago. Our family owns a 15 door apartment and that’s what kept dad busy after he retired 10 years ago. When he left for the US, he endorsed it to my younger sister as well as taking care of the household. I don’t live with them anymore. I’ve been independent since 2003. I officially moved out 3 years ago from our house in Malabon when I bought my own house in Pasig. I still visit them though as often as I could just to check on them. Few days ago, my sister called and told me none of the tenants would want to pay their rent. And I also learned from her that most of them in fact have their payments delayed for 3 to 7 months already! To make situations worse, the bills at home are already due including the salary of the maids. Without any collection, my sister wouldn’t be able to pay them not to mention their grocery and food allowance. Since my dad is away, I am forced to deal with this situation. This morning, I instructed my sister to go to Barangay and file a complaint and demand the tenants to pay what they owe us and to vacate their houses. I have decided to close down the apartment. It’s due for a major renovation anyway. It’s in a very bad shape and I myself wouldn’t consider living in it. So starting next week, for 3 consecutive Fridays, I would have to take a leave from work just to attend the hearings. I am not expecting they would easily give in to my demands. I do not expect any settlements at all will be made. All I really want from the Barangay is just a clearance coz I’m already ready to file ejectment case in court against them. I will make them eat their words “Kung mga magulang nyo nga di kami mapaalis kayo pa kayang mga anak lang!” Well, let’s see about that.

Just 3 months ago, I awarded a project to my bestfriend’s dad. They were financially struggling so to help them out in their predicament, I gave them 3 million worth of project. I had to go through so much just to ensure that such project be awarded to them. The project involves renovation of our company’s lobby and conference room. We started ok. Everything was in order, the manpower, the materials and the equipment. However, by the middle of the project, they experienced shortage in fund. So to help them out and not to compromise the project, I loaned them PhP400,000. It went smooth again after that. But with just 10% remaining before completion, they encountered again some funding issues. For two weeks they stopped working. My boss then came to my office and asked me how come nothing is happening and when will the project be finally completed? Actually, we are already 1 month behind schedule. To pacify him I did my best just to make him believe I am on top of things and whatever is happening (or the lack thereof) at that moment, I am fully aware of it and that they are part of the plan and are to be expected. Actually during those two weeks, they were waiting for their collection of the partial billing they made to our company. And so finally last week it was released. I thought I could finally breathe again. But, no! Instead of using all those collections to fund for the completion of this project, my bestfriend’s dad decided to use partial amount of that money for his own use. Ok, I know they needed the money, but come on! My ass is on the line here!! Have I not done enough for them for at least for just one moment they would also think about me and my situation? All I expected from them is a little consideration. My boss is pressuring me that come this Monday, the lobby and the conference room are already available for use. We are almost there. The carpet tiles will be installed tomorrow however few more items still need to be bought like the LED TV for the lobby and some furniture. So when I asked him about it this morning, he told me, all money was used already. DAMN! I’m sure when our lobby opens on Monday, the one thing my boss would ask me, “Where the fuck is the TV??” I wish I still have enough money in my bank to pay for it just so I could cover up their shortcomings. But I have also exhausted already my savings! I already loaned them money and just few months ago I recently bought a house here in Laguna and paid 20% of that amount in cash (which by the way is also giving me some headache right now. They weren’t able to deliver the unit based on the agreed turn over date. Damn Avida!) Plus the situation with my sister who also needs some money at home. Having said all that, my finances is not in good shape right now. 500 pesos or even 100 pesos has more value to me now than it used too. Everything appears to me as expensive right now. That’s how bad things are to me at this point.

Frankly speaking, I am kinda worried right now. But there’s a part of me telling me everything’s gonna be fine. I’ve be through so many shits in life. Much more complicated and difficult with what I’m facing right now. That’s why I remain positive and hopeful. I know this will just be temporary. In a month’s time, everything will be back to normal, hopefully. But till then, I have to remain strong.