Important Decision

Sometime in January 2019 a friend of mine organized a reach out program for an orphanage in Manila. It was also that month that her son was celebrating his first birthday. I immediately accepted her invitation to join her since at that time I was already thinking of adopting a child. It would give me an opportunity to know and meet and also gauge and have a feel being around orphans who could potentially be my own kid.

I woke up really early on the day of our visit to the orphanage. I made sure all the goodies I prepared the day before are all loaded in my car. I was really so excited. I was imagining already playing with the kids, getting to know them. However, when we got there, something unexpected happened. From the outside there was a glass door where you could see the kids. It was their playroom where they spend most of their time. We got excited seeing them so we approached the door to see and greet them. When the kids saw us, all them ran to the glass door. Each tried to get our attention. Some tapped the glass door, some waved their hands and some reached out their arms towards us. It was crazy. This particular scene reminded me of when I visit a pet store where some puppies would try to get your attention like begging for you to take them. That’s exactly what I thought of during that time. Was it really a desperate plea hoping someone would take them?  Why were they in such situation? Nasaan ang mga magulang ng mga ito? Bakit sila pinabayaan at iniwan sa lugar na ito?  It broke my heart at napaluha ako while I was looking at the kids. I wasn’t really prepared for it. 

So we spent our time playing with the kids. Pinagkaguluhan nila kami. Pinag aagawan nila kami. Almost everyone would try to get your attention hoping you’d carry them in your arms or at least play with them. It was fun yet a heartbreaking experience. I felt sorry for them. But come to think of it, I am also like those kids. Maybe not as desperate but was somehow also searching and longing for a family to call my own. 

When I got home I immediately grabbed my laptop and started to search on the internet adoption process in the Philippines. After about an hour or two of browsing and reading, I picked my phone and called my friend and told her, “I’m gonna do it! I’m gonna have a child of my own. I’m gonna adopt!” With that, I made the most important decision of my life! 

I am now a Dad!

I am now a Dad. Who would have thought a single gay guy like me can be a father one day? Yes, I dreamed of this long time ago but I never thought it would be possible. Matthew, my adoptive son, as I would call him in this blog, came into my life when I truly needed him. It was fours years ago when I seriously considered adopting. During that time, I just got promoted into a regional role which made me work most of the time from home. I was living alone in a condominium in Pasig. Interactions with people became less and less frequent. Day in, day out it was the same for me. I started feeling depressed. I got hooked with G app. I thought it could help me cope with the loneliness I was feeling. Almost everyday I was hooking up with different guys for fun. But that made things even worse. It made me feel not only depressed but also miserable. I never felt more alone in my life during those days. I started questioning the whole sense and purpose of my existence. If I die at that moment, so what? Why am I still living? How should I deal with the loneliness I was feeling? Do I need to be in a relationship? Be in another gay relationship which most likely will not last and leave you alone again and back where you started? I knew I needed something in my life. I knew I needed to find a purpose why I need to go on living. And I knew, I needed to be in a relationship. A relationship that can last. And that's when it occurred to me, of having my own child. 

Hello World!! Guess who's back?!

Last night I remembered that I used to have this blog. Out of curiosity, I checked if this still exists. And to my surprise, it still does considering I haven't logged in for a number of years already in fact my last post was some 10 years ago. Wow 10 years! So many things have happened to me since then and I do hope I can share some of them to all you.  Anyway, I am currently in Surat, India doing an audit. I will start writing once I'm back in Manila. So many stories to tell! Bye for now!