I was in a club at that time when suddenly, my friend Mark elbowed me I almost spilled the glass of vodka in my hand. He then pointed me to a direction across the dance floor, and there, stood this guy together with his friends. Mark told me he has been eyeing him for months now. I have to admit, the guy is very attractive. I am not so much into oriental looks, but this chinese mestizo guy seems to be an exception. He has this boyish looks that would surely catch everyone’s attention and a nice lean, muscular body to boot. It made wonder, if Mark has been eyeing this guy for months now, how could I have missed him? And while these thoughts played in my mind he caught me staring at him. I immediately looked away and pretended embarrassed. In a split second, I looked back at him and he was still looking at me. I flashed a hesitant smile and he reciprocated it with an encouraging one.
When I went to the bar to buy another drink suddenly someone crept from behind and stood beside me. “Hey”, he said. “I’m Alvin”. At that moment, I swear, my heart skipped a bit. A casual conversation ensued after the brief introduction. He was such a charmer. He’s a bit younger than I am but I was able to sense a level of maturity you rarely find from someone his age. As much as I wanted to spend the entire night with him, I excused myself conscious that my friends would already be looking for me. As I took a step away from him, he gently tapped my shoulder and asked, “Can I have your number?” to which I willingly obliged. Few hours later, Mark suggested that we all crash and continue our party at his place, to which everyone agreed. While I was driving on my way to his place, suddenly I received a text message. “Hey what’s up? Where are you?” It was Alvin. So I told him I left the bar already and on my way to my Mark’s place. “Hmm, would you want to go to my place instead?” He asked. At that moment, I wasn’t really quite sure what to do. “Is this going to be just another one night stand?” I asked myself. I was a bit disappointed yet I couldn’t let that opportunity pass. I called up Mark and told him “Hey my dad just called. He wants me to go home now. Something important came up”. I hanged up the phone and texted Alvin asking him directions how to get to his place.
When I went to the bar to buy another drink suddenly someone crept from behind and stood beside me. “Hey”, he said. “I’m Alvin”. At that moment, I swear, my heart skipped a bit. A casual conversation ensued after the brief introduction. He was such a charmer. He’s a bit younger than I am but I was able to sense a level of maturity you rarely find from someone his age. As much as I wanted to spend the entire night with him, I excused myself conscious that my friends would already be looking for me. As I took a step away from him, he gently tapped my shoulder and asked, “Can I have your number?” to which I willingly obliged. Few hours later, Mark suggested that we all crash and continue our party at his place, to which everyone agreed. While I was driving on my way to his place, suddenly I received a text message. “Hey what’s up? Where are you?” It was Alvin. So I told him I left the bar already and on my way to my Mark’s place. “Hmm, would you want to go to my place instead?” He asked. At that moment, I wasn’t really quite sure what to do. “Is this going to be just another one night stand?” I asked myself. I was a bit disappointed yet I couldn’t let that opportunity pass. I called up Mark and told him “Hey my dad just called. He wants me to go home now. Something important came up”. I hanged up the phone and texted Alvin asking him directions how to get to his place.
When I walked to his building I really wasn’t sure what I was doing. But I continued my way to his unit and I when reached it, I gently knocked on his door. His smile was as wide as the door as he opened it. I slowly walked inside his room and as soon as he closed it, he grabbed and kissed me. Few minutes later, our clothes were on the floor as we lay on his bed exploring each other. I woke up nine hours later. It’s almost 2pm. I silently stood up from his bed and picked up my clothes on the floor. While I was dressing up, he woke up. He extended his arm, smiling. I wasn’t able to resist the invitation. We made love again, one for the road. That same night when I was about to sleep at around 8pm my phone rang. “I’m missing you already.” And I replied, “Oh Yeah?” And he asked, “Why won’t you come back here and spend the night with me?” An hour later, I found myself knocking again on his door. We spent the night talking and learning more about each other. We slept on each other’s embrace.
After that crazy meeting, a month later after frequent dates, he asked me for a commitment. But I was in love with Justin. All along it was still Justin. But I also feel something for him. So I was left with no choice but to tell him the truth. I told him the story of Justin. How we and where we were at that time. He patiently listened. But as I continued on with the story, I could feel his pain as he tried to understand every word I said. And when I was done, he said, “I will not ask you to choose between me and Justin. You can still have your Justin, as long as I still have you.” Those words shocked me. I felt a bit of guilt and it was a deal too good to be true. Or so I thought. That night, everything between me and Alvin became official.
The first few months of our relationship was fine. Though I continued to see Justin, it never was an issue between us not until one day when Justin and I went to spend a weekend in Baguio. I don’t understand what came up to him; he tried calling me every now and then while I was in Baguio. I dropped all his calls and did not answer his text messages. So when I got back to Manila, he was so mad he walked out on me while having dinner while we were talking what happened during that weekend. It was too late when I realized how inconsiderate I was to treat him the way I treated him taking him out of my life while I was in Baguio.
The following weekend, while we were both high on drugs (I’ll write more about this next time), he asked our friend Keith to come home and spend the night with us. While driving home I was aware of the possibilities that may happen, dragging along Keith with us. It was not spoken, but inside all of us, we know what is to come. So when we reached Alvin’s place, we lay on the floor as we savor the euphoria of ecstasy. We started kissing and rubbing each other’s body. But every now and then, bits and pieces of sensibilities would creep into my mind. Maybe the drug is starting to lose its effect. Until I saw Alvin savoring the manhood of Keith in his mouth, that’s when I lost it. Alvin saw my reaction; he went straight to me and started sucking me. But my mind kept telling me, “You can’t do this” until my mouth opened and said it to them, “I can’t do this!” I saw the reaction on their face. It was a mix of shock and disappointment. They tried to caress me, maybe hoping to turn me on, but I stood up and went straight to bed. Alvin followed me to talk me into it, but I said no. Then Keith decided to leave us and went home. The moment I heard the door closed, I stood up and took off all my clothes. I saw the surprised look on his face. I undressed and lay him on his back and fucked him like I never fucked him before. It has hard and deep while uttering the words, “This is what you want right?” “Yes, fuck me hard”, he said. It’s one fucking experience I will never forget in my life for it was to be the last between me and Alvin. After we were done, I stood up and took my clothes. I was silent. Until I heard him said “You felt jealous when you saw me sucking Keith right?” I remained quiet. “Now you know how I feel every time I know you’re with Justin”, he continued. I felt my head was about to explode when I heard those words. I wanted to curse him for throwing such shit on my face for I was not the one who asked for the relationship. But all I could say in response was, “I’m sorry”. I looked him in the eye and we know without even saying any words, it was the end of the line for us. I walked out of the door, with a lot of questions on my mind but never bothered to find the answers till this very minute.
I saw him again a month after our break up. He was with this guy he’s dating. To this day, we remain good friends. And as for me, I was back in my old self again, in a very complicated relationship with Justin but not until I met Jerico.
POST MORTEM ANALYSIS
It was after a while when I realized that my relationship with Alvin is doomed from the moment it even started. As they say, you can never serve two masters at the same time. Alvin was stupid to allow himself to be in such a relationship knowing the other person is also in love with someone else. And I was damn too selfish at wanting to have everything in my hands. In the end, none of us gained anything but only scars and lessons to be learned.
The first few months of our relationship was fine. Though I continued to see Justin, it never was an issue between us not until one day when Justin and I went to spend a weekend in Baguio. I don’t understand what came up to him; he tried calling me every now and then while I was in Baguio. I dropped all his calls and did not answer his text messages. So when I got back to Manila, he was so mad he walked out on me while having dinner while we were talking what happened during that weekend. It was too late when I realized how inconsiderate I was to treat him the way I treated him taking him out of my life while I was in Baguio.
The following weekend, while we were both high on drugs (I’ll write more about this next time), he asked our friend Keith to come home and spend the night with us. While driving home I was aware of the possibilities that may happen, dragging along Keith with us. It was not spoken, but inside all of us, we know what is to come. So when we reached Alvin’s place, we lay on the floor as we savor the euphoria of ecstasy. We started kissing and rubbing each other’s body. But every now and then, bits and pieces of sensibilities would creep into my mind. Maybe the drug is starting to lose its effect. Until I saw Alvin savoring the manhood of Keith in his mouth, that’s when I lost it. Alvin saw my reaction; he went straight to me and started sucking me. But my mind kept telling me, “You can’t do this” until my mouth opened and said it to them, “I can’t do this!” I saw the reaction on their face. It was a mix of shock and disappointment. They tried to caress me, maybe hoping to turn me on, but I stood up and went straight to bed. Alvin followed me to talk me into it, but I said no. Then Keith decided to leave us and went home. The moment I heard the door closed, I stood up and took off all my clothes. I saw the surprised look on his face. I undressed and lay him on his back and fucked him like I never fucked him before. It has hard and deep while uttering the words, “This is what you want right?” “Yes, fuck me hard”, he said. It’s one fucking experience I will never forget in my life for it was to be the last between me and Alvin. After we were done, I stood up and took my clothes. I was silent. Until I heard him said “You felt jealous when you saw me sucking Keith right?” I remained quiet. “Now you know how I feel every time I know you’re with Justin”, he continued. I felt my head was about to explode when I heard those words. I wanted to curse him for throwing such shit on my face for I was not the one who asked for the relationship. But all I could say in response was, “I’m sorry”. I looked him in the eye and we know without even saying any words, it was the end of the line for us. I walked out of the door, with a lot of questions on my mind but never bothered to find the answers till this very minute.
I saw him again a month after our break up. He was with this guy he’s dating. To this day, we remain good friends. And as for me, I was back in my old self again, in a very complicated relationship with Justin but not until I met Jerico.
POST MORTEM ANALYSIS
It was after a while when I realized that my relationship with Alvin is doomed from the moment it even started. As they say, you can never serve two masters at the same time. Alvin was stupid to allow himself to be in such a relationship knowing the other person is also in love with someone else. And I was damn too selfish at wanting to have everything in my hands. In the end, none of us gained anything but only scars and lessons to be learned.
to be continued.... Love Confession: Jerico
