Why I Am Againts the Divorce Bill (HB1799)

The Reproductive Health Bill is still far from reaching its conclusion; yet, a new controversial bill is already brought to the table, the Divorce Bill. The bill was introduced by Gabriela Women’s Party which seeks to amend Executive Order 209 otherwise known as the Family Code of the Philippines to include Divorce as one of the legal remedy for couples with irreconcilable differences who may want to get out of their marriage.

Currently, the Family Code only allows declaration of nullity, annulment and legal separation as an option for married couple who can no longer live together. Let us first understand how declaration of nullity, annulment, legal separation and divorce differ from one another.

Declaration of Nullity

In essence, declaration of nullity is different from annulment. Declaration of nullity considers that the marriage is void and invalid from the very beginning. Conditions for declaration of nullity are shown at the end of this blog.

Annulment

Annulment is a declaration that a marriage is valid but voidable if during at the time of marriage, exist the following conditions as provided in Article 45 of the Family Code (Refer at the end of this blog). Usually in courts “psychological incapacity” is used as a reason to file for annulment.

Legal Separation

Legal separation allows a couple to be physically apart but still is considered as legally married. It may be filed based on the following conditions as provided by in Article 55 of the Family Code (Refer at the end of the blog)

Divorce (As proposed under HB 1799)

Divorce is the dissolution of a valid marriage. It differs from annulment since it allows issues that may arise during the marriage as grounds to have the marriage terminated. A petition for divorce may be filed based on the following grounds.

(1) The petitioner has been separated de facto (in fact) from his or her spouse for at least five years at the time of the filing of the petition and reconciliation is highly improbable,

(2) The petitioner has been legally separated from his or her spouse for at least two years at the time of the filing of the petition and reconciliation is highly improbable;

(3) When any of the grounds for legal separation that has caused the irreparable breakdown of the marriage.

(4) When one or both spouses are psychologically incapacitated to comply with the essential marital obligations; and

(5) When the spouses suffer from irreconcilable differences that have caused the irreparable breakdown of the marriage;

Among those presented above, only those who were legally separated are not allowed to remarry since union between the couple is still considered valid under the law. As it is right now, there are legal remedies that a couple may take should they agree it would be difficult for them to continue on with their marriage as such parting of ways is the only remedy. So the question is, why add divorce? The proponents presented their arguments on the Explanatory Note section of the proposed bill and are presented as follows:

“Reality tells us that there are many failed, unhappy marriages across all Filipino classes. Many couples especially from the marginalized sectors, who have no access to the courts, simply end up separating without the benefit of legal processes.”

And would divorce be able to address it? Would it make the courts accessible to the so-called marginalized sectors? Access to court is a totally different issue from failed and unhappy marriages, as such, needs to be addressed separately. Top of mind, I can identify two reasons why the marginalized sectors have no access to courts. First, education. Do they even know their rights? I am fortunate enough to finish college and in one of our subjects we studied the Philippine Constitution and even the Family Code of the Philippines. Unfortunately, most poor families could not afford college education for their kids. So how can a poor Filipino learn all these things? The first important step is to educate people of their rights because that’s the only time they would know how to fight for it. Lastly, financial capabilities. Can the marginalized sector pay a lawyer when they can’t even afford to put meals on their tables? Even if divorce is legalized, would they have the money to pay for it? It’s the same banana. Annulment, legal separation, and divorce would entail costs and still is not affordable to these marginalized sectors.

“Even when couples start out well in their marriage, political, economic and social realities take their toll on their relationship. Some are not prepared to handle the intricacies of married life.”

This statement takes away from us being responsible to decisions we make. We all make mistakes but we have to learn from it and live with it. What if after having two kids I suddenly realized I am not prepared to handle parenthood? Can I just abandon my children and my role as a parent like what they are saying in a divorce, my role as a husband? We need to own up the consequences of our actions. Providing a back door exit to marriage may even worsen this situation. Couple who should think a lot of times before getting married may need only to think once since an easy way out is always available. If a couple is not prepared to get married, then they should not marry. Period. As such, it is the responsibility of the state and the parents to ensure that before any couple enters the sanctity of marriage, they are indeed prepared for it, physically, mentally and financially. Aggressive and effective pre-marriage counseling/screening should be accorded to the couple. Divorce is not the solution to the inefficiency of the parents and the state to do its duty.

“For a large number of women, the inequalities and violence in marriage negate its ideals as the embodiment of love, care and safety and erode the bases upon which a marriage is founded. The marital relations facilitate the commission of violence and perpetuate their oppression. The 2003 report of the Philippine National Police shows that wife battering accounted for 53.6 percent of the total 8,011 cases of violence against women. About three of ten perpetrators were husbands of the victims. Husbands accounted for 28 per cent of the violence against women crimes. The Department of Social Welfare and Development reported that in 2003, of the 15,314 women in especially difficult circumstances that the agency serviced, 25.1 per cent or 5,353 were cases of physical abuse, maltreatment and battering.”

Divorce cannot and will not prevent inequalities and violence in any marriage. With or without divorce, domestic violence will still exist. However, there is already an existing law that shall protect women from such inequalities and abuse as contained in the Republic Act 9710 also known as the Magna Carta for Women which was signed in 2009. What is required from the government is to have all women educated on their rights and how to protect themselves as provided by such law. If any form of violence should exist in the household, married women should know how to file cases as provided by the RA 9710 and consequently, if necessary, file for Legal Separation. I would like to stress my point, given this argument by the proponents of this bill, there exists already legal remedies to this issue.

Big numbers were presented above, so let’s further drill down those numbers. In that 2003 report, it was said that a total of 8,011 cases of violence against women were reported. In a population of 90M, that accounts for 0.000089% of the total population. Significant? You tell me. I am not saying that we should ignore these cases. As a matter of fact, I applaud the passing of the Magna Carta for Women. But what I am saying is that, people should be careful in using statistical numbers to defend their position. Those numbers will not ever reflect the true picture of our society.

“The present laws relating to separation of couples and termination of marriage are inadequate to respond to the myriad causes of failed marriages. Particularly, the remedies of declaration of nullity and annulment do not cover the problems that occur during the existence of marriage. Legal separation, on the other hand, while covering problems during marriage, does not put an end to marriage.”

They why don’t we get to the root of the problem? What causes marriage to fail? Have we done enough to understand this and provide solution to this issue? Separation and termination of marriage does not and will not address the causes of failed marriages, same goes with divorce. Fact of the matter is, divorce will even make marriages prone to breakdown since it provides an easy way out, a simple alternative, than to deal with the intricacies of solving marital problems and challenges.

“In practice, Article 36 has become a form of divorce, as valid marriages are declared void every day in the guise of “psychological incapacity.” The innumerable Article 36 cases brought to trial courts is an indication of the elasticity of Article 36 to accommodate the needs of many couples desiring to terminate their marriages. It is proof that divorce is needed in the Philippines. Article 36 provides a remedy only for spouses who can prove “psychological incapacity”. The concept certainly cannot accommodate all cases where divorce would have necessary. What we need is a divorce law that defines clearly and unequivocally the grounds and terms for terminating a marriage. That law will put an end to the creative efforts played daily in courtrooms across the country to accommodate a wide range of cases in order to prove “psychological incapacity.” (Women’s Legal Bureau, Inc., The Relevance of Divorce in the Philippines, 1998)”

I agree that such provision on the Family Code is abused my many to get out of marriage. It is as a matter of fact a milking cow by lawyers and by some corrupt judges. This practice must be put to stop and divorce is not the solution to it. To remedy this situation, I propose that once a petition for annulment has been granted, the one who admitted and proven in court as psychological incapacitated should not be allowed to remarry. Only the complainant should be allowed to do so. Let’s see if any of the couple would agree to admit they are the one with the problem. I think it’s stupid to allow anyone who is “proven” to be psychologically incapacitated to remarry when you know that such condition would only make that person’s second marriage void as stipulated in Article 36 and 45 of the Family Code.

“The bill seeks to introduce divorce in Philippine law with a strong sense of confidence that it will be used responsibly by Filipino couples. This confidence stems from the experiences of Filipino families that show that separation is usually the last resort of many Filipino couples whose marriage has failed. Cases of battered women also support this. Battered women invariably seek separation only after many years of trying to make the marriage work; separation only becomes imperative for them when they realize that it is necessary for their and their children’s survival. Divorce could actually provide protection to battered women and their children from further violence and abuse.”

This is an admission of fact that indeed divorce will never prevent domestic violence. They said that because Filipino women are very devoted to their marriage many would endure violence, and that fact alone should allay fears of many Filipinos that divorce will be abused by many couples. So what is the point of this statement? Divorce can only end the abuse but not prevent it, so as the legal separation as provided by the Family Code. An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure. Domestic violence should be addressed even before it is happens and not just provide a solution after crime has been committed.

“With the predominance of the Catholic faith in the Philippines, the fear that divorce will erode personal values on marriage appears unfounded. The experience of Italy, where the Vatican is located, and Spain, two predominantly Catholic countries which practice divorce, supports this. Those countries have a low rate of divorce. Italy registers a 7% rate while Spain registers 15%. The figures reflect the strong influence of religious beliefs and culture on individuals in deciding to terminate marital relations.”

The figures are outright misleading. The proponents should have done their assignments well before again throwing these numbers. Currently in Italy, their government has recognized that there is a crisis in their marriage system. More and more Italians opt not to get married as such more than 80% of their men still stay home with their mothers until well into their thirties. In Spain, most couples opt to live in together, also known as “cohabitation”, than get married. As such in both countries, there has been a decrease in the number of “first time” marriages. Divorce paved the way for a new family structure which includes cohabitation, extramarital births, single parenthood, and one-person households. Is this the kind of family structure we would want for ourselves? The low rate registered by both countries does not at all reflect the strong influence of their religious belief but a cultural shift on how they look at marriage. True enough, why marry if it will end in divorce anyway?

One interesting aspect that we also need to look at is the mean age of people getting married in all three countries. Both in Spain and Italy, average age for men and women at first marriage is early thirties and late twenties respectively. And the Philippines? 25 for men and 19 for women! Given this disparity, this maybe explains why there are many failed marriages in the Philippines. So it’s pointless to compare the experience of Spain and Italy and assume that Philippines will also post a low number of divorce rate. This is like comparing apples with oranges. As they pointed out earlier in their argument, many Filipino married couple after few years into their marriage would realize they are not prepared to married life. Well, simply because they are too young and not mature enough to handle the challenges of a married life. This is common in the marginalized sectors as well as in the rural areas. As such this is where we should focus our attention, to ensure that couples who would want to get married are mature enough for such undertaking. Proper education is what’s needed.

“Historically, divorce had been part of our legal system. In the beginning of the 16th century, before the Spanish colonial rule, absolute divorce was widely practiced among ancestral tribes such as the Tagbanwas of Palawan, the Gadangs of Nueva Viscaya, the Sagadans and Igorots of the Cordilleras, and the Monobos, Bila-ans and Moslems of the Visayas and Mindanao islands.”

This may be true. Those were also the days when a captured enemy is beheaded and displayed as a trophy. Do you think such practice can also still apply to us, in our time? When the Spanish came, along with it the Christian faith, our religious beliefs and morals changed the norms of our society.

“Divorce was also available during the American period, starting from 1917 (under Act No. 2710 enacted by the Philippine Legislature), and during the Japanese occupation (under Executive Order No. 141) and after, until 1950. It was only on August 30, 1950, when the New Civil Code took effect, that divorce was disallowed under Philippine law.”

And those were the years we were occupied by the American and Japanese as such, if not all, most of their laws were applied to the Filipinos. And when in 1950, four years after we gained our full independence from the Americans, our fathers then brought back high morals standards in our society and as a consequence, divorce bill was repealed.

“This bill is respectful of and sensitive to differing religious beliefs in the Philippines. It recognizes that the plurality of religious beliefs and cultural sensibilities in the Philippines demand that different remedies for failed marriages should be made available. For this reason, the bill retains the existing remedies of legal separation, declaration of nullity of the marriage and annulment and only adds divorce as one more remedy. Couples may choose from these remedies depending on their situation, religious beliefs, cultural sensibilities, needs and emotional state."

There are indeed different denominations in our country, but majority are still considered as Christians. And it is a fact that divorce goes against Christian doctrines. So how can this be respectful and sensitive to their religious beliefs? This statement is totally wrong and irrelevant. Why don’t we legalize drugs as well and let our countrymen choose whether they want it or not “depending on their situation, cultural sensibilities, need and emotional state.” The danger with implementing something which you know is against someone’s moral belief is like dangling the forbidden fruit in their face.

"This bill also seeks to make Philippine law consistent in the way it treats religious beliefs with respect to termination of marriage. Philippine law through the Code of Muslim Personal Laws of the Philippines (Presidential Decree No. 1083 [1977]) allows divorce among Filipino Muslims, in deference to the Islamic faith which recognizes divorce. Non-Muslim Filipinos should have the same option under Philippine law, in accordance with their religious beliefs."

What??! Should we allow then every man in this country to have as many wives as he can keep? I cannot see any sense why they even mention this statement as an argument. The fact is, majority of those Non-Muslim are Catholics and we all know that the Catholic Church is vocal on its stand that it does not want it! So how can this be in accordance to the Non-Muslim Filipinos religious belief?

“The Philippines and Malta are the only two remaining countries in the world without a divorce law. This bill is being introduced based on indications that Philippine society is ready for the legalization of divorce.”

Just recently, Malta, through a consultative referendum allowed the legalization of divorce. As such, the Philippines is the only country left where divorce is not allowed. So what? Frankly speaking, that’s hardly an argument at all to push for the legalization of divorce in our country. Not because everyone is in it, we should jump on the bandwagon as well. Filipinos are Filipinos. We are not Maltese. We do not live and think like the rest of the world and vice versa. Our culture is different from the rest of the world so I find this argument really lame.

“The sanctity of marriage is not based on the number of marriages existing but on the quality of marital relationships.”

Sanctity of marriage is not based on the quality of marital relationship either. When you talk about sanctity of marriage, there is a religious implication attached to it. Sanctity is defined as holiness or sacredness. The term Sanctity of Marriage stems from the belief that it is a union derived from God as such, gains its state of holiness. It is not a unit of measurement in terms of quantity or quality, but merely states the inherent nature and character of such union, that is of being sacred or holy.

The proponents of the bill could have done a better job in justifying their position to push for the legalization of divorce. It’s funny because I’ve read more convincing arguments for divorce from other bloggers and news columnists. After I have refuted their arguments, now let me present my case why I stand against this bill.

First, I believe divorce is anti-women. As we all know, most women in this country particularly those from the marginalized sector and those from the provinces are very submissive to their husbands. It is sadly, part of our culture. They devote and dedicate their lives to the care and need of their husbands and children even to the point of neglecting their ownselves. In a patriarchal society such as ours, women are relegated to depend on the mercy of their husbands, should stay home, and tend to the needs of the household. And then after years of her devotion to her marriage, the husband suddenly decides to divorce her, what becomes of her? Wives who know nothing but serve their husbands? And then the husband decides to take another wife and after few years decides to divorce her too? How many women should suffer this fate? We all know the philandering nature of Filipino men. Divorce will give him the power to play around with women, change from one relationship to another as quickly as he changes his clothes. And how about the children born out of those marriages? What happens to them? Not every Filipina is as empowered as the proponents of the bill from Gabriela. Not every Filipina is aware of their basic rights. Not every Filipina had access to education to be able to empower them. And this is the basic issue that needs to be addressed first.

Second, it is unconstitutional. Our constitution recognizes the importance of family as such it further commits itself to protect and strengthen the family as a basic autonomous social institution. Can divorce be consistent to this basic commitment of the State? I think not, therefore to be able to allow divorce, the constitution would need to be amended first.

Lastly, it demeans the value and sanctity of marriage. Marriage is a lifetime partnership and the foundation of our society. It’s like when you build a house, if the foundation is weak, what happens to it? Divorce threatens this foundation as such can lead to the erosion of our society. With divorce, marriage is treated merely as a contract between two people with termination clause written all over it. It weakens the bond between couple. It lessens the threshold of a couple to bear the hardships of any normal married couple face. It makes any marriage volatile as such prone to dissolution.

Discussion on moral issue is a hard one to take so I would not want to go that path. But I leave you with this conversation I had with a friend few days ago.

Friend: How do feel about divorce?

Me: I’m actually against it.

Friend: Then how do you feel about couples separating but can’t go through the process of annulment, yet still, being as human as they are, eventually find new partners they could spend the rest of their lives with? Don’t you think it’s unfair that they can’t seal that partnership and worse, are being judged by the society as immoral merely because they are still technically married and can’t afford annulment?

Me: And you think divorce can change all that?

Friend: Yes. With divorce, their single status is reinstated and people will not think anymore it’s immoral for them to live with their new partners.

Me: In the eyes of men, probably yes, but how about in the eyes of God?

One of the challenges we face in our time is that everything around us changes so fast. We continue to create things to make life easier and convenient for all us. How far can we allow ourselves to make decisions merely based on practicality and convenience? Is morality a thing of the past? Does the law of man dictates what is moral and what is not? Ponder.

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For Eveyone’s Information (Source: The Family Code of the Philippines)

Declaration of Nullity

In essence, declaration of nullity is different from annulment. Declaration of nullity considers that the marriage is void and invalid from the very beginning. Conditions for declaration of nullity are provided in Articles 35-37 of the Family Code.

(1) Those contracted by any party below eighteen years of age even with the consent of parents or guardians;

(2) Those solemnized by any person not legally authorized to perform marriages unless such marriages were contracted with either or both parties believing in good faith that the solemnizing officer had the legal authority to do so;

(3) Those solemnized without license;

(4) Those bigamous or polygamous marriages

(5) Those contracted through mistake of one contracting party as to the identity of the other; and

(6) Those subsequent marriages that are void under Article 53 as shown below.

a. Either of the former spouses may marry again after compliance with the requirements of the immediately preceding Article; otherwise, the subsequent marriage shall be null and void

(7) A marriage contracted by any party who, at the time of the celebration, was psychologically incapacitated to comply with the essential marital obligations of marriage, shall likewise be void even if such incapacity becomes manifest only after its solemnization.

(8) Marriages between the following are incestuous and void from the beginning, whether relationship between the parties be legitimate or illegitimate:

Annulment

Annulment is a declaration that a marriage is valid but voidable if during at the time of marriage, exist the following conditions as provided in Article 45 of the Family Code.

(1) That the party in whose behalf it is sought to have the marriage annulled was eighteen years of age or over but below twenty-one, and the marriage was solemnized without the consent of the parents, guardian or person having substitute parental authority over the party, in that order, unless after attaining the age of twenty-one, such party freely cohabited with the other and both lived together as husband and wife;

(2) That either party was of unsound mind, unless such party after coming to reason, freely cohabited with the other as husband and wife;

(3) That the consent of either party was obtained by fraud (Enumerated below as provided by Article 46 of the Family Code), unless such party afterwards, with full knowledge of the facts constituting the fraud, freely cohabited with the other as husband and wife;

• Non-disclosure of a previous conviction by final judgment of the other party of a crime involving moral turpitude;
• Concealment by the wife of the fact that at the time of the marriage, she was pregnant by a man other than her husband;
• Concealment of sexually transmissible disease, regardless of its nature, existing at the time of the marriage; or
• Concealment of drug addiction, habitual alcoholism or homosexuality or lesbianism existing at the time of the marriage.

(4) That the consent of either party was obtained by force, intimidation or undue influence, unless the same having disappeared or ceased, such party thereafter freely cohabited with the other as husband and wife;

(5) That either party was physically incapable of consummating the marriage with the other, and such incapacity continues and appears to be incurable; or

(6) That either party was afflicted with a sexually-transmissible disease found to be serious and appears to be incurable.

(7) A marriage contracted by any party who, at the time of the celebration, was psychologically incapacitated to comply with the essential marital obligations of marriage, shall likewise be void even if such incapacity becomes manifest only after its solemnization.

Legal Separation

Legal separation allows a couple to be physically apart but still is considered as legally married. It may be filed based on the following conditions as provided by in Article 55 of the Family Code.

(1) Repeated physical violence or grossly abusive conduct directed against the petitioner, a common child, or a child of the petitioner;

(2) Physical violence or moral pressure to compel the petitioner to change religious or political affiliation;

(3) Attempt of respondent to corrupt or induce the petitioner, a common child, or a child of the petitioner, to engage in prostitution, or connivance in such corruption or inducement;

(4) Final judgment sentencing the respondent to imprisonment of more than six years, even if pardoned;

(5) Drug addiction or habitual alcoholism of the respondent;

(6) Lesbianism or homosexuality of the respondent;

(7) Contracting by the respondent of a subsequent bigamous marriage, whether in the Philippines or abroad;

(8) Sexual infidelity or perversion;

(9) Attempt by the respondent against the life of the petitioner; or

(10) Abandonment of petitioner by respondent without justifiable cause for more than one year.

The Reproductive Health Bill (House Bill 4244)

Many have already been written and said about the proposed Reproductive Health Bill. For awhile I kept my mouth shut because I don’t want to be yacking on something I have limited knowledge of. I would not want to base my opinion merely from what I hear. I needed something concrete. I needed to see the copy of the said proposed RH bill and understand the provisions contained therein as well as do a little reading on my own before I can form an opinion on this important issue which is causing a stir in our country.

Be Fruitful and Multiply (Genesis 1:28)

That’s the main contention of the Catholic Church. If that’s their main argument to oppose the RH bill therefore it’s absolute that all forms of birth control should not be acceptable. Then how come they promote what they call the “natural” method? Isn’t the purpose of the so called “natural” method is also for birth control? On this note, I think they are contradicting themselves. Granting their use of the biblical verse is correct, isn’t one or two, enough to fulfill such instruction from God? The RH bill does not prohibit anyone to have kids but merely encourages a couple to have two children as an ideal family size. It’s not even mandatory or compulsory and no punitive actions will be imposed to anyone should a couple decide to have more than what is recommended. As such, I see no basis why this biblical verse should be used to argue against the RH bill.

Birth Control Methods

There are several methods available for birth control; contraception (preventing the meeting of the sperm and egg cell to form the zygote), contragestion (preventing the implantation of blastocyst or zygote to the uterus) and abortion (the removal of the fetus or embryo from the uterus). The proposed RH bill continues to recognize that abortion is illegal and punishable under the law so abortion is out of our discussion.

Contraception

Examples of artificial methods are use of condoms, diaphragms, and contraceptive pills (progestogen only pill). Sterilization methods such as vasectomy and tubal ligation are also considered under the artificial method. For the natural method, the church promotes lactational method (determining the length of a woman's period of breastfeeding infertility), withdrawal, and total abstinence. Either through natural or artificial method, both have the same purpose, to prevent the union of the sperm and the egg cell as such, I don’t see any difference between either methods. So for me, either method is acceptable.

Contragestions

Examples of contragestions are oral contraceptives (Combined Estrogen and Progestogen), hormonal injectibles and Intra-Uterine Devices (IUDs). Through this method, it is said that it prevents the implantation of the zygote (product of the fusion of the sperm and egg cell) to the uterus and thus is expelled, as such, considered by the pro-RH advocates as abortificient.

Abortificient

Abortificient is defined as drugs or substances that causes pregnancy to end prematurely and causes an abortion. However, it is only during at which the zygote attached itself to the wall of the uterus the process of pregnancy begins. Therefore, if this process will not happen by preventing the zygote to attach to the uterus, the process of pregnancy will not occur, ergo, there is no abortion. How can you end something which has not even started yet? However, conservatives might still argue, and what of that zygote? They adhere to the belief that human life begins at that moment when the union of sperm and egg cell occurs (conception). Do we consider zygote as a human being? Where does the human life exactly begin?

Beginning of Human Life

People will never come to an agreement where human life exactly begins. Never. For the answer to such question is drawn from each ones belief and values which are almost always different from one person to another. Conservatives strongly assert that human life begins during conception and believes that zygotes should be protected for they eventually form the human being.

First, I do not agree that human life is created during conception. The exact moment at which the sperm and egg cell unite is just part of a process to create life. It is not a definite or distinct point in time when we can say human life is created. This zygote would still have to undergo various stages of physical and chemical processes before the “process of creation” is said to be completed. I personally believe that life begins when pregnancy begins, when the process of fertilization is complete and the zygote finally attaches itself to the uterus. However, the conservatives insist that zygote should be protected still for its potential to form human being. Well, my sperm has the potential to form human being too right? Should it be protected too? I am sure they would further argue that my sperm would need the egg cell to complete the process. Well, just as equally important that the zygote must attach itself to the uterus, till then, they are nothing but a group or mass of human cells.

To sum up my points with regard to acceptability of artificial birth control methods, both contraception and contragestion in a moral context (or should I say, my moral judgment), I see no reason why I should object to it. However, there may be legal impediments as to the applicability of contragestion, which is unfortunate, and may be considered unconstitutional for it was explicitly stated in the 1987 Constitution that the State “should equally protect the life of the mother and the life of the unborn from conception.” I therefore say, that this provision of the constitution should be amended.

Sex Education to Grade Five to High School Students

The Catholic Church strongly opposes this provision in the RH Bill for they believe that it would allow parents to abdicate their primary role of educating their children especially in the area of life sexuality which as they say is the sacred gift from God. Personally I grew up not learning about sex and sexuality from my parents. In a conservative society such as ours, sex is not a common topic in any household. Whether the parents are embarrassed to open up such topic to their children or they do not want to embarrass their kids. I do agree that the primary responsibility of educating children about sex should be on the parents but are these parents well informed and educated themselves to pass on to their children their knowledge on this sensitive topic? The rise in cases of teen-age pregnancy is an indication where the church and the parents failed miserably. Have they done enough to educate it’s their children on pre-marital sex? Seems not, now let the State do its job. In our time when Maria Clara is now Mary Claire, with or without sex education, many children will continue to engage in pre-marital sex. At least with enough education on sex and sexuality these children would know how to protect themselves. RH Bill does not take away from their parents even from the church the responsibility to teach these children about sexuality. It is still their responsibility to teach them, at least the moral context of sex and sexuality. However, I believe that sex education should be taught only to high school students. Are cases of pre-teens pregnancy (11 to 12 years) that significant to include the grade five and six students as well? I think not. Now this is where I think the RH Bill should reconsider.

Over Population and Poverty Alleviation

RH bills aims to address the alarming population growth rate in the country which can indirectly help address poverty. Again, let me stress the word “indirectly” for there in no one solution that can eradicate poverty. Addressing overpopulation is only but one of them. Each country has its own resources. Resources it can use to provide nourishment to its people. But more often than not, these resources are limited. Don’t you find it alarming that we are now importing rice and sugar from other countries just so to meet our demand? It is indeed alarming for we are not generating enough food supply to feed our people as such importation becomes inevitable considering the fact that we are an agricultural country. There are just too many mouths to feed. Many would continue to argue that people is the best resources of a nation. I wouldn’t disagree, but how many is enough and too much? Let say for example a family of 10. The father earns enough to feed only 4 children. Then what happens to the other 4? What kind of human resources do we end up with? A population of undernourished people? Will that benefit a nation? I think not. We have time and again recognized that our country is facing a serious issue on population growth but have never taken concrete actions to address such issue. The Philippines currently sits as the 12 most populated country in the world and continues to be on a sharp increasing trend. With limited and dwindling resources, how can we ensure there would still be left for generations to come, resources which are vital to their existence? We must take actions now!

Photo credit: Reuters/Erik de Castro (http://hronlineph.wordpress.com/2011/05/15/isyung-hr-isyung-rh-ay-isyung-hr/supporters-of-reproductive-health-bill-chant-slogans-as-they-march-to-the-philippine-congress-during-international-womens-day-celebrations-in-quezon-city/

Photography and Me

I was once asked what Photography means to me? I replied, "Photography is a powerful medium that compels you to appreciate and see the beauty in everything around us; from a speck of dust to what our naked eyes normally see. It allows you to share a piece of yourself to others by giving them that opportunity to look at things the way you see them."

Eversince i was a little kid, i have always been in love with arts. i remember browsing the volumes of enclopedia at home just looking at the pictures of artworks from the great masters. at a very young age, i met picasso, da vinci, michaelangelo, van gogh among others. It inspired me to paint but it only caused me frustrations. I have the vision, yet my hands can’t translate such vision on canvass. I remember going home depressed from my art classes coz my works usually get low grades. Until one day, I just gave up and accepted the fact that painting is really not for me.

However, I was thankful though that my appreciation for the arts remained in me. I would still visit museum and exhibits and marvel at the paintings of juan luna, fernando amorsolo, felix hidalgo, among others (when i get filthy rich, i promise to buy one of those luna’s paintings. argh!!!). And in one of those visits, there it was, a collection of beautiful photographs. I remember being so excited jumping from one photograph to another. It sent chills to my body. And at the end of the last frame, it occured to me, I could still be an artist after all. It took years though before i was finally able to get a hold of a camera. At 17 years old when digital photography was not yet that popular, when your idea of photography is having your own darkroom and those big cameras, I thought photography is only for grown ups and those who have money.

The Old Lady of Ivana (Won in various online portait category contest)

It was through Justin that finally made me decide to take pictures. I was envious of the photographs he was taking. So I bought a camera and started taking my own pictures. I started with Point and Shoot and then a year after, with a DLSR. However, I think I pressured myself too much to come up with beautiful pictures that most of the time, I'd end up not satisfied and frustrated with what I would produce. Till I can't take the pressure anymore and decided to give it a break. And it's been 2 years now since then. I don't know when my muse will return to me. Anyway, shown here are some of my published work.

Infanticipation (My pregnant friend, Maan)The Boy Behind the Door CassandraThe Diva (My friend Charles. Post processing also done by me)Flaming Sky (Won First Place in a Photography Magazine Contest)SL 101 (Won in an online contest Still Life category)Stripes (Bought by PAL for their calendar)The Golden Gate

Caught in the Middle

Last night my bestfriend dropped by my house to talk to me about what happened last Saturday when he had a huge fight with my boyfriend. But before he could say anything, this is what I said to him:

Gone were the days when I have to ask for your approval and your acceptance of my partner. Everyone who is new in a relationship has to go through with it. When you find someone you love and who loves you back, that doesn’t end there for we do not live on our own, as such it is important that people close to us would accept and love him as well. And you did, and for that I thank you. But that phase in our relationship has already come to pass. After all these years, I believe that you and him have already developed a relationship between the two of you and that, being, as good friends. A relationship I acknowledge, respect and thankful for. But now you guys are having problems, well this is all I have to say to it, it’s your relationship, so you guys deal with it. I am standing on a neutral ground. I will not speak to you, either, against or to defend him. Neither will I do the same to you in front of him. For I am afraid if I do that, one or both of you might pass judgment on me as being biased as I am close to you both. I would not want to take any sides, for if I do that I would end up hurting either of you. You both mean so much to me. And it would cause me pain if because of my words and actions one of you gets hurt. Yes, I am caught in the middle but I’m leaving everything up to you both. This time, do not think of me. Never let your thoughts of me cloud your judgment. Do what you think and feel is right. I know how difficult this is for you for I know how important I am to you. But let me assure you, I will never let anything affect our friendship, especially not this. And that is why I am saying this to you now. Whatever comes out of this situation, I shall never pass judgment on you. I shall be, and will always be here for you as you have always been there for me.

We spent the night drinking a bottle of wine reminiscing our past. We also talked in lengths about our plans for our future. No words were spoken regarding what happened that night nor anything about my boyfriend. That night, it was just all about me and my bestfriend.

Depressed

That’s exactly how I am feeling right now. Last night, my bestfriend and my boyfriend had a huge fight. They uttered words that would be very hard to retract and I’m sure it will take awhile before things between them goes back to the way it used to be. Being in the middle of it is a difficult place to be. I hate being in this kind of situation. Now as I sit alone here in my room, not wanting to talk to either of them, it keeps me thinking should I do something or can I just isolate myself from it and let them deal with it on their own? I have a lot of things going on right now and I can’t take all this drama at this point. I hate dealing with this kind of issues. I hate people around me fighting.

This morning while browsing the net I came across this news which shocked me.

Malaria suspected in death of Pinoy doc in Sierra Leone
abs-cbnNEWS.com
Posted at 05/21/2011 7:22 AM Updated as of 05/21/2011 9:20 AM

MANILA, Philippines - A Filipino doctor taking part in a medical mission in Sierra Leone died after suffering from illness, feared to be malaria. Dr. Emmanuel Ganal died in Sierra Leone, according to his relatives. Gana's relatives in Ilocos said he became ill during a medical mission.

They said they received a call from his colleagues last May 12, informing them Ganal was confined in a hospital there. The next day, at around 2 a.m. local time, they received another call, saying he died after becoming ill.

Ciriaca Melchor, Ganal's grandmother, said she is having a hard time accepting his grandson's death. Ganal's body will be brought to the Philippines this week. His remains will first be brought to the University of Santo Tomas, where he studied medicine, after which he will be brought to Laoag City.

Other family members will coming home from Hawaii to join the family in mourning. -- With a report from Hadji Rieta, ABS-CBN News Laoag

Eman was a college friend of mine. We were classmates in UST when I was still finishing my pre-med course. He was supportive and very kind to everyone. I wasn’t aware that he joined this medical mission in Africa which is a testament on the kind of person that he was, selfless. He died doing what he loved best, helping other who cannot help themselves. He wasn’t born with a lot of money and was raised and supported only by his grandmother. It breaks my heart just thinking what she’s going through right now. All I can do at this point is offer a prayer that he may find peace and that may God reward him for his kindness and his good heart.

Love Confession: Justin

It was just one of those boring nights when I was glued to the computer browsing the net, killing time. I wasn’t aware that such night would start a story of friendship and of love that was never meant to be. It started in March 2006 and during that time, Facebook doesn’t exist yet and Friendster is the king of social network. So while randomly browsing profile pages of various people, by chance, I came upon his profile page. I froze and was blown away. I’m not sure if it’s possible but it seemed like it was love at first sight, if you can call it that. Everything about him was so beautiful; his face, eyes, lips, built, just everything. I know it’s crazy to feel that much intensity to someone you have never even met. Even, I couldn’t believe it myself. It took me two weeks of daily checking his profile before I was finally able to muster enough courage to send him a message. The funny thing is, I can’t even tell if he’s gay or not. His profile page doesn’t say or imply so. But what the heck! Even with so much hesitation, I did it.

April 8, 2006
Me:
such beautiful eyes....

nice and interesting profile. i love to travel
alot myself. anyway, just dropping you a note to say
hi..well,.. HI. there I’ve said it. =). keep it cool. just give
me a buzz if ur not busy or anything. =)

April 9, 2006
Justin:
ey thanks. actually i havent updated anything on
my profile yet. there are so many things to write about
but i guess im too lazy and not really in the
mood for it.. hehehe

I was hoping but not expecting a reply from him. I was ecstatic. Even if it was just one simple note, it made me smile from ear to ear. After that, we exchanged few more casual messages; nothing special really. But those casual messages have more meaning to me than it should. Every word written for me was special to the point I can memorize every lines in his note. I tried as much as I can to be discreet about how much I like him, scared I might scare him away. Yet still, one day, he just stopped replying to my messages. After two unanswered messages, I gave up. Maybe he’s just wasn’t interested.

After months have passed; I read his post on his profile about losing his mobile phone. Out of sheer curiosity I sent him a message testing whether he would still recognize me and reply back.

August 8, 2006
Me:
too bad you lost your phone. tsk tsk tsk.
anyway, just dropping by to say hi! take care bro.
keep it cool!

Justin:
ey, nice to hear from you again. hows it going? yeah, ur
right, rub it in... =) just kidding. hehehe actually,
kinda difficult since i didn't backup my contacts.
haaay. ey, thanks for keeping in touch.

what's keeping you busy?

August 11, 2006
Me:
everything is kinda crazy for me right now. we'll be having
our certification audit next week and i'm the lead person of
our company. its gonna be a make or break for me. hehehe.

well, i lost my phone before. and it sucks. specially
the contact information of people you know that goes with it.
so i've learned my lesson. from then on i started backing
up everything in my organizer.

hey, its been a while since the last time we've
written to each other. how are things doing in your end?
how's work? well, i hope everything's fine. =)

Justin:
I kinda understand what you're going through.
I used to do be the lead for the IT department
in my previous work. And when the company
went for ISO certification, my work doubled and
most of it involved documenting everything.
haay. Buti nalang gang dun lang ang part ko. hehehe.
I know kaya mo yan, kaw pa. Naks!

well, you're right about the contacts. What really
sucks is when people text you and you ask them
who they are(in a nice of course). Naku may
nagtatampo pa, tapos I ended up telling the same
story over and over and over and over ... =)

it's been a while since our last message. Busy eh. =)
I went to Malaysia last weekend to climb Mt. Kinabalu.
A tough climb but it was all worth it. I'll upload my pics as soon as I can.
lets have coffee sometime. Maybe after your iso certification.

Good luck and take care.

August 15, 2006
Justin:
Justin wants to brighten your day with a smile. Check out Justin’s profile and send a reply.

A message from Justin:

Ey, is it your birthday? I was thinking of sending you a flower.. hehehehe. But I guess a smiley is enough. Happy Birthday.

August 16, 2006
Me:
the flower is not a bad idea actually, much better if its from mt kinabalu.. but, yeah, i think smiley would do. thanks. ehehehe. ang kulit noh? hehehe. anyway, my bday was last aug. 5. but, thanks for the greetings. as they say, better late than never. =).

its almost 1 am and i'm still here at work. as a matter of fact, i'm the only person left here at the plant. i'm freaking out. few hours from now is the start of the 3 stressful days of audit certification. argh!!! it makes me feel like i'm taking the board exam again. anyway, finishing touches na lang naman ginagawa ko. i just want to make sure things will run smoothly later.

anyway, need to get back to work. hopefully makauwi na ako in an hour. hehehehe. wish me luck bro!!

ingat!

August 16, 2006
Justin:
whoa!

still working? rest for a while buddy. Remember the saying, "All work and no play, makes Jack a psychotic serial killer." buti nilang di jack pangalan mo. hehehe (corny alam ko.) anyway, I know you can pull it off with flying colors.

anyway, pardon my late greetings. Ala ako ng mga araw na nag birthday ka. nasa Kota kinabalu ako eh. =) anyway, I wish i can bring some of the fauna I saw in Mt. Kinabalu. But I can't. Protective area kasi yun, being a World Heritage site. Hayaan mo next akyat ko hanap ako ng bulaklak para sayo. LOL!

August 18, 2006
Me:
I passed the certification!!! Hahaha! its gonna be a long weekend celebration for me. pero ngayon ko pa lang nararamdaman pagod ko. Hehehe. can't wait to go home and rest. magkulong sa room at matulog maghapon. hahahaha. o ayan tapos na certification ko, prolly we can have coffee na. ;P. anyway, Justin, thanks for the encouragement. i really appreciate it. have a great weekend and hope to hear from u soon! take care!

Justin:
Naks! Sabi ko na nga ba eh, mapapasa mo yan eh. Anyway, it is time to rest your body and soul. =) Pahinga kanaman, I know you've been working for sooo many hours these past few days. Nararapat na ipahinga mo ang pagal mo nang katawan. hehehe

Yes, as I promised we'll meet for coffee. or better yet over a cold beer? Let's celebrate! Teka do you drink? if beer doesn't catch your fancy, we can have a nice cold iced tea. =) anyway, just tell me if you gotten enough rest already. Lets just plan it sometime. okay. Just holler back.

Better get going, have to go the gym.

Take care

August 22, 2006
Me:
times like this, beer is definitely better than coffee! we both have reasons to celebrate. mine is my certification, yours, is your mt kinabalu climb. i wanna hear your stories din about your climb. let me know if you're free this weekend or kung kelan ka free. sang area ka ba malapit? lets meet somewhere convenient for both of us.

anyway, i was able to go out last saturday night. 10am na ako nakauwi the following day. hehehehe. the rest of the weekend, well, i stayed home and rest. hahahaha. i plan to take a long vacation in october. prolly go to bohol or camiguin. i deserve something like that. anyway, need to get back to work. take care Justin!

Justin:
I'll drink to that. There are so many reasons to celebrate. Basta't may malamig na San Miguel Beer, kahit ordinaryong nagiging engrandeng okasyon. hehehe. Mahahabang inuman ito.!!!! hehehe Anyway, I'm from mandaluyong, I work in Manila so between that area I'm good. Okay din ang San Juan, Pasig, QC or Makati. so saan ang midway natin? I'll be in bohol this weekend, so can we have it next weekend? I'm usually free friday night and saturday night. Either day is okay with me. watcha think?

August 28, 2006
Me:
sorry for the late reply. i was out of the office the past 2 days auditing one of our suppliers in quezon. bohol ka naman pala this weekend. naiinggit naman ako. anyway, lets set our drinking session saturday next week (if ok with you). half way natin is QC but i wouldnt mind trying out san juan or pasig. di rin naman kasi ako masyado nakakagimik sa area na yon so that would be a change. san ba ok don? basta sa akin, may beer at masarap na pulutan at kwentuhan ayos na! tulad nga ng sabi mo, mahabahabang inuman ito! hehehehe. kaya magbala ka na nga mga kwento mo. hahaha. anyway, dinner na muna ako. mahabahabang kainan to. gutom na gutom na ako eh. hehehe. take care Justin!!

Justin:
i just came back from bohol. Ang ganda. I really enjoyed bohol, the beach, the food, the snorkelling site. If you're into diving, bohol is the place to be. I bet you'll enjoy it. As for me, i love to come back to bohol. and I make it sure that I'm into diving already. I love to tell you more but i need some rest din. Anyway, I can tell you more next saturday in our inuman session. hahaha. Speaking of which, sa QC na lang. para di naman malayo sayo. Though ala akong alam masyadong inuman sa qc, except sa pier one. anyway, I guess mas gala ka sa akin. So you choose. So see you next saturday. take care buddy.

September 1, 2006
Justin:
Justin wants to brighten your day with a smile. Check out Justin's profile and send a reply.

A message from Justin:
ey see you tomorrow buddy!

I arrived early in our meeting place. I was really nervous. I’m not an insecure person, but love often makes me feel that way. “Am I good enough for him? Will he like me? Do I look good? Why don’t you shut the fuck up and stop pestering yourself and just enjoy this moment!” A few minutes later, he was there, standing in front of me, flashing his beautiful smile, green shirt hugging his lean muscular body. I swear I’ve never seen anyone so beautiful. My confidence went from eight to zero. “Hi, I’m Justin” he said. We shook hand and I felt a tinge of electricity flowed in my body. Once seated, we ordered our drinks and started our conversation. We talked about a lot of things. His recent mountain climbing adventure in Kota Kinabalu, books, my passion for diving, our families, cooking, we talked almost about everything. And all that time, I couldn’t help but stare at him. He’s just damn too good looking for me. Confidence level went further down zero to negative. We stayed till 4 am drinking till we decided to part ways. It was wonderful a night. I think I handled myself pretty well. When I got home, I received a text message from him telling me how much he enjoyed the night and that he’s looking forward seeing me again. I almost fainted. I don’t know if it’s because of alcohol or because of what he said. I was in heaven.

After that night, we became more comfortable with each other. From then on, we would regularly text each other. Everything started to happen and feel so natural. But even with all these things happening, I never assumed anything about how he feels for me. I kept telling myself, He’s just being nice. Maybe he really just wants you to be his FRIEND. Yes, I was crazy in love but I tried to keep in touch with reality. Reality somehow held my sanity. We regularly met after our first meet-up. Usually, every two to three weeks. And then after 3 months of regularly going out, one night, we decided to drive to Tagaytay. With bottles of beer loaded in my car, we parked somewhere along the road beside a cliff overlooking Taal Volcano. We stayed in the car just talking and listening to our favorite music, until he took my hand and held it. It caught me by surprise but he continued talking as if nothing happened. I too never bothered to ask why. I realized there are things better left unspoken and just let things happen and enjoy as they happen. Maybe I was scared too not to get the answer I’d want to hear. So we were just there, talking while holding each other’s hand. I wanted so much to kiss him. I badly wanted to. But I held back for I was never really sure of how he feels for me. That night left me so confused.

The following meet-up, he asked me to sleep over at this place. I said yes. When we got to his place, he immediately headed to shower. Afterwhich, he lent me a boxer short and shirt so I could change as well. When I walked out of the bathroom, he was already lying on his bed and asked me to lie down beside him. Then the lights went off. While lying on my back, he suddenly embraced me while murmuring the words, “I feel cold”. Few seconds later his lips were locked against mine. One by one, our clothes started to drop on the floor till we were both naked. It was I who went down first, thinking, if it was just a dream, then I want get on to that part where I can feel I finally own him before I awake and realize none of it was true. I couldn’t believe what was happening. As I feel the warmth of his fullness as it touches my lips and slide down my throat the more I realized how crazy I am of him. I wanted him. I wanted all of him. And as he fills my mouth, moving in and out, I couldn’t help but stare at his face with his eyes half open, staring back at me. Those eyes, those haunting beautiful eyes. After a few minutes of savoring the warmth his manhood, he guided me to slide towards his face till mine is directly in front of him. I was there, on top of him, looking down as he lays on his back and hungrily sucking my soul. I was going mad. Just looking at his beautiful face as his lips play with my fullness is driving me insane. It was such a beautiful sight. Suddenly, I felt the urge to kiss those lips again. We kissed till we can’t control the intensity no more. He searched for my hardness again and I searched for his till we were both in a position giving and accepting pleasure at the same time. It was precious. It went on till we both exploded in each others mouth; sucking each others sweetness down to the very last drop. He held me after that and kissed me. I wanted to say I love you yet again, I held back. But, I was happy. I couldn’t ask for more. Who would have thought I would end up where I was with a man who months ago, was just someone I thought I could have only in my dreams? I slept under the warmth of his embrace. We woke up the following morning, making love all over again.

There have been few changes in the months that followed after that night we made love. We continued to see each other regularly, except this time, making love has become part of our routine. Also, from then one, every morning, without fail, the first text message I would receive is from him. We even started calling each other baby. Yet, again, we never really talked about our situation, much more, our feelings for each other. It bothered me. We were acting like lovers yet I know I have no hold over him. I was really in love with him and I wanted to have that sense of ownership over him. But I was scared to spoil whatever we have at that time. That is why I never had the courage to ask him. I was contented yet I wanted more. Our relationship went on like that. And then I met Alvin.


To be continued.

25 Random Things About Me

1. I used to believe in Santa. Until one day, I saw the receipt of the watch in my mom’s drawer I thought “Santa” gave me.

2. I was an altar boy when I was a kid. I had the opportunity to serve for the late Jaime Cardinal Sin.

3. First country I ever visited outside the Philippines was Malaysia. The last one is USA (last year)

4. Batanes is my most favorite place in the Philippines. It has everything. Gorgeous landscape (jaw-dropping), and the culture well preserved. It’s a must for all who love to travel.

5. I’m a frustrated painter.

6. I’m not very fond of chocolates. As a matter of fact, I hate chocolate ice cream!

7. I’ve had many car accidents. I’ve lost track how many.

8. I was a university athlete when I was in college. Event: Taekwondo. I enjoy other sports as well: Tennis, Bowling, Chess and Badminton.

9. I’m such a sucker for world records (Usually in sports , F1, Tennis, etc). Most number of this and that!

10. There are only about 5 websites I visit every day; Inquirer. Net, chessbase.com, facebook.com, blogspot.com and flickr.com

11. I’m used to be addicted to facebook online games: Metropolis, Mafia war and Texas HoldEm

12. I love to read. Books, magazines, newspaper, everything!

13. I usually get into trouble coz I don’t know how to say NO!

14. Photography is my passion.

15. I can never sleep without a pillow under my head.

16. I had a short stint with the Thomasian Debaters Council until I shifted to the UST Taekwondo Team.

17. Gaining weight for me is as difficult as for those who are trying to lose weight.

18. I can spend the entire day inside a bookstore or in a library!

19. I listen to all kinds of music. R&B, Hip-Hop, Blues, Jazz, House, Trance, Classical, Country, Rock, etc.

20. I like long drives especially when I’m down. Pagudpod anyone? =)

21. I love my work!

22. I'm so good at procrastinating. I do get in alot of trouble because of that.

23. I hate receiving forwarded messages, thru e-mail and most especially thru text! It’s so annoying!

24. I love to eat but I don’t usually experiment or try out new things. I would always order the same thing.

25. I love watching reality TV. =)

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